Ah, the topic that everyone in our post-Script world is confused about!
So, who should pay on a date?
Whoever did the asking out should pay.
Even if the woman did the asking out?
So, should women ask men out?
If you’re “In a Relationship”, as they say on The Facebook, there’s no reason that as a woman you shouldn’t be initiating and planning dates. That said, it’s probably not smart of women to spend a lot of money or to plan really elaborate dates. Women can help with the financial realities of dating by cooking occasional meals, getting the tip, paying for coffee, that sort of thing. They can also plan larger dates, but it’s not smart to do this on a regular basis.
Why should the the financial burden of dating be on the guy? Humph.
One reason is because there are hidden costs to dating to which most men are completely oblivious. If you think of the date as just the part where the couple is spending time together, then yes, men do end up paying more. But if you count grooming and prep (nails, getting hair done, body hair removal, the purchasing of clothing, shoes, or accessories), then women end up spending more.
However, dating is not about the financial transactions that take place either overtly or covertly. Treating a someone to a meal or a night out, these are things that them feel appreciated and special.
Dating is so expensive!
Keep it simple! Go on cheaper dates. Go volunteer together. See this list here for ideas. Dates are for spending time with someone, getting to know them, gauging if you’re compatible or not, and having fun. They are not about spending as much money as you can on someone in the hopes (or expectation) that they will do something for you in return (fall in love, have sex, etc.).
In fact, I have heard multiple women say that they don’t like it when men spend a lot of money on them on dates because in the back of their heads they are wondering if the guy has certain expectations for the end of the date.
One last point RE: costs: Being in a relationship does not equal the guy paying for all the lady’s things ever, that’d be silly.
I’m a man and I like to pay!
Good on you. I know some men are annoyed when women don’t offer to pay because it takes from them the opportunity to look generous, but that’s more about their self-image than manners.
I’m a woman and I like to pay!
There are a few reasons this could be the case:
1. Because some men think they’re owed something at the end of the date and one is tired of disabusing them of this notion. I recommend practicing icy glares in the mirror.
2. You’re just not in to your date. Being asked on a date is a compliment and the correct response at the end of it is to say “thank you”. But you’re not doing anything wrong by accepting the gift of his paying for dinner, even if you’ve by now realized you don’t want another date. Just thank him, and if he calls the next day be up-front about thanking him for a good time but not wanting a second date.
Paying for yourself when someone is trying to woo you sends a signal you’re not interested. So use wisely.
What about going dutch?
Despite the fact that the average male would like women to spend more on dates, women don’t really want to have to split the bill. As well they shouldn’t; ladies don’t feel like they’re being wooed when they’re paying for their own glass of wine and entree. Of course men like it when women say “thank you”, tho there’s no need to go overboard with gratitude.
Frankly, in the early days of the relationship, going dutch is just a buzzkill. Later on it’s better for the woman to pick up the tip or coffee, or to make him dinner/cover the check entirely once in a while instead. If neither have the money, it’s okay, then don’t do dinner. Meet up for a hot cocoa and long walk after dinner instead.
What about if you met via a dating site or app?
I think this is where it should be more important for ladies to offer to pay when the bill comes. Yes, it’s nice if men pay anyway (you didn’t ask him out, did you??), but if you met on a dating site, you’re kind of asking to be taken out.
N.B.: This only counts for the first date.
I keep taking this girl out but she complains a lot and never is appreciative.
She’s just not that in to you.
Women are such entitled narcissistic b*tches!
Oh, you must be here from the Manosphere.